on the gentle art of selling yourself…
one of the things i really like best about having a blog/presence on the web is connecting with and interacting with readers. you people GET what i’m trying to say here, even if i don’t always know myself! people send me cool links that they think i might like, on a myriad of subjects: knitting, sewing, designing, books, fashion, art…if it relates to something i talk about in the blog, people have emailed me about it. i get comments and emails all the time, and LOVE them all (they are 99.9999% positive), and lament the fact that i can’t address and respond to them all in a timely manner, due to the pressures and demands of everyday life. so please understand and forgive me if i neglected to get back you or took forever to do so! but do know i appreciate the fact that you read or relate, enjoy, and are inspired. you in turn inspire me. keep those emails and comments coming…and be patient with me! 🙂
on that note…
last week, a reader named kendra sent me a link to a guardian unlimited article called the gentle art of selling yourself by design critic stephen bayley.
feel more than free to explore the article in it’s entirety at the aforementioned link, but i wanted to share with you some interesting quotes (and my thoughts about them) that pertain to one of my perennially favorite topics, the importance of dressing oneself…as it pertains to image, self-expression, and interaction within the culture at large.
stephen bayley says:
“Self-invented people are the most interesting ones of all.”
any other type of person would, in my opinion, appear hollow, upon immediate observation, or would likely reveal themselves to be so after some interaction. in the matters of fashion, i believe the most interesting people are those simultaneously heed and trust the call of their own inner voice and fount of creativity, other people’s opinions be damned, while at the same time, keeping themselves abreast of what is happening culturally, whether they choose to participate in those movements or trends themselves. a self-invented person trusts themselves first, believes in their own vision, and in turn, is able to sell it.
stephen bayley says:
“Psychologists know that first impressions are based on our spontaneous assessment of status, clothes, sex, age, size and posture, speech and facial expression. Let’s just deal with the clothes. Lord Chesterfield advised his son: ‘Dress is a very foolish thing; and yet it is a very foolish thing for a man not to be well-dressed.’ And Jay McInerney says of life today in meritocratic Manhattan: ‘You won’t be judged by your accent… but you will be judged by your shoes.'”
i constantly see references to fashion as something frivolous, something unimportant in the scheme of things. but i am personally not convinced (and neither is mr. bayley, apparently). it is at once something important, and not important. yes, food, health, shelter, peace and happiness are far more important subjects, but i stand by the notion that fashion is not a wholly hollow thing. i believe that the way we adorn ourselves is an art that is rife with meaning, with signals, signs, statements and clues. it is a language of expression that, with the juxtaposition of different elements, tells a rich story about our current situation (both in an immediate and broader sense), who were are, where we come from, what we like, and what we believe in.
“This is nothing to do with Church’s or with Prada but with attitude and style – style being the dress of thought, the feather that makes the arrow fly straight, not the feather you put in your cap. It matters because somebody who does not care about their appearance will care about little else. But we are locked in a game of continuous evaluation from which there is no escape to a value-free neutrality. Even the decision not to wear clothes betrays a set of prejudices. The person who says: ‘I don’t care what I wear, I just put on a T-shirt and jeans’ is merely confirming how much he cares about creating a certain sort of wearily insouciant impression.”
“In matters of dress, you can be sympathetic to your audience, subvert it or confront it, but you should not ignore it.”
appearance is everything. the people i admire most (stylish people as well as other significant, intelligent, creative individuals, of course) are those who care about the form, expression and impression they are making on and in the world, WHATEVER that may be, in all aspects of their person, clothing and action alike. people who claim they are “too lazy” about making an effort about the way they dress or act are, let’s face it, probably lazy about other things in life. and i think that’s a shame. laziness is an excuse, and i don’t buy it.
“In all of this self-invention, confidence plays a part. The great thing about confidence is that it is self-perpetuating.”
YES! confidence is key to matters of expressing an authentic personal style statement…OWN YOUR DECISIONS when you take personal risks. if you want to wear a pink sweater with orange plaid pants, and love it unabashedly, then resolve to hold your head high and BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. other people’s opinions be damned. seriously! if you believe in something, and sell it with confidence, sass and style, other people will react to said confidence in a positive manner, and you might even find that people will eventually join you in support of your ideas and expressions. confidence is the seed from which TRENDSETTING ideas spring.
feel free to comment add your own thoughts (negative, positive, or otherwise) to my borderline non-sensical ones. i adore a good discussion (it’s the not so latent academic inside of me!)!
thanks kendra for passing the article on to me, and thanks to stephen bayley, for giving me food for thought/further words to spurn on more articulation of my personal fashion philosophy.
bits and bobbins 
I’ve been lurking on this site for about a month, and have to tell you – it’s very inspiring! I didn’t have a sewing machine for a while but now I do again, and I’m excited about all the possibilities, I have so many sewing projects I want to do… I’m determined to be more creative with fashion again! Wardrobe remix is amazing too…
hello! i love your site. thank you for sharing all of this. i plan to use one of the quotes in a grad school presentation this morning…..i did want to challenge the idea that someone that says they don’t care secretly wants to convey a “wearily insouciant impression.” i think there are people that live outside of the awareness of this type of personhood. they truly do not participate in the conversation. not as someone choosing to not talk (out of laziness or fear or whatever) while understanding what others say but as individuals with such limited vocabulary that they stay locked in other concerns. clothes (and hair, shoes, make-up) are functional and peripheral. does this sound at all possible to you?
erin: i think there may be people like that, but their numbers are probably small. i think it’s more likely that people CHOOSE to take themselves out of the style equation, mostly out of laziness, and/or fear. it’s either too difficult, they have other concerns, or they are too scared. if you are functioning in society as a human being, you are probably aware, you just CHOOSE not to concern yourselves with such things. anyone who doesn’t, i’d argue is probably NOT a functioning member of society in some way, shape or form.
what are you studying in grad school? 😀
What a lovely article! Like Miss Smith, I have been a “lurker”, enjoying in your endlessly stylish blog. I feel as if I have found a like-minded soul when it comes to style. . . and being passionate about style!
I was raised to see putting any time or effort into my appearance as being a waste of time. . . and through online blogs and communities like this one I’ve come away from that guilt.
So, I guess a “thank you” is in order!
Thank you!
I am a fashion design student up north of you in Seattle and I also found your blog about a month ago. I tune in periodically through the week and find so much inspiration in your fashion, your links upon links, and your words. Thank you.
I think that was a great note on the way you present yourself will effect your appearance, inside and out. Sometimes there are days that I just want to throw on a t-shirt and jeans. My demeanor seems to shift when I do so and I don’t feel as good about myself as I do when I put more effort into what I’m wearing. I don’t think it’s about having the most expensive pair of shoes, it’s like you said, having confidence to wear what you want to wear and feel good about yourself. That’s real style.
Hi Tricia: I’ve been lurking for about a month or so here and also on wardrobe remix (my college roomate is mbibelot, that fashionista). I’m also an actor/singer in my free time and last night I asked my acting coach (similarily to your post): “If someone comes to me and tells me that they didn’t like my performance or are disturbed by it, what options do I have to response?” I feel on the one hand, you can’t ever please everyone, you can’t feel people’s feelings for them and if I gave up my artistic integrity I would feel awful myself. On the other hand, I still want to work-and sometimes the people who don’t like you are the people who have the work! (which is why people start companies) I feel like we are always striving to be ourselves, the public be damned, but we have to live with the fact that we will not necessarily be loved or liked for it. And at the same time, if the above commentary is coming from a colleague or teacher; I think there is a part of ourselves that has to take their experience into account.
It’s a constant question that I think we all have to live with, whether it is our daily fashion choices or artistic endeavors. What do we have to do to feel spiritual and whole. You and Kate are 100% right on, fashion is about how it makes YOU feel. Your entry today just really struck a chord, so thanks much!
tricia – sorry for the delayed response. i’m studying arts administration. i guess i was just trying to throw in the perspective that not everyone is making such a choice..they don’t realize there is one to be made. specifically, i ‘m thinking of a scientist friend of mine. he has no wants from clothes beyond being clean and covering the appropriate bits. it is not unconcern for or even rejection of fashion, it’s obviousness. he seems unaware of a person’s outside appearance. and my girlfriend resisted such cultural messages while growing up and now i have to explain concepts like silhouette..she does not pick up on 3/4 of what i read into someone’s dress. it makes me wonder if my readings about attitude and self-perception are more about my own vision than then the person i’m looking at. for instance, different generations have different associations with different looks. my mother certainly ‘reads’ clothing differently than i do. …all of this is not to say that i think of “fashion as something frivolous.” i love the complexity and silliness and fun and costume and expression of it. and i absolutely love and appreciate the work that you do. i didn’t intend to get so focused on one part of a lovely post..
Hi, Tricia. As someone who lives and breathes colour, I’m a long-time lurker and avid reader of your blog, which has inspired me to take stock of my wardrobe with a fresh, inspired eye.
With regard to your thoughts on the Stephen Bayley piece I have another perspective to offer on why some might claim they’re too lazy or don’t care to make an effort with their appearance. As Erin says, some folk simply aren’t aware of fashion as a means of self-expression, while others don’t feel able – or even entitled – to express their creativity through their clothing.
Peer ridicule, parental discouragement and/or a lack of inspiring role models can all affect the way we dress and view ourselves as adults. Also, fashion is not a level playing field. The media, particularly women’s magazines, is highly influential, promoting certain body-types as ideal while ignoring or criticizing others. Fuller-figured women are pretty much blanked by the mainstream fashion industry and badly served by affordable dedicated plus-size manufacturers. In the UK, where I’m from, funky vintage clothing in anything over a UK size 14 is as rare as hen’s teeth so, unless you can sew, projecting the image you want inevitably becomes a matter of money – and even then there are no guarantees you’ll be able to find what you want when you want it. Or why I never throw anything away unless it’s actually given up the ghost.
Obviously, such a lack of choice can be dispriting. Speaking as a feisty, clothes-obsessed size 22, sometimes it’s like being gagged. But, given the narrow definition of feminine beauty offered by the fashion industry, I can well understand why people of all sizes sometimes throw in the towel. I think it’s unfair to assume those who claim to have no interest in what they wear will be lazy and/or blasé about life in general or, worse still, be suffering with some kind of personality disorder. I think those with a keen eye and a creative spirit will just focus their energies elsewhere.
buffpuff: touche! 🙂
You said it! I can’t believe you said it! Why couldn’t I say it first?
I got on your blog via a link from ‘Liebe, Marlene’ (I only lurk there) about being yourself. And I read the article. And I loved it. So I searched all your articles on being yourself.
This is really ridiculously true, and I’m glad I found it right now. I’ve been interested in clothes ever since I realized that people WERE judging me by what I looked like–maybe the first year of public school? (I was homeschooled till junior high.) But now I’ve gone over some invisible limit of interest, in many people’s minds, and they think caring about what I look like makes me shallow.
But what you said, about clothing being like a language–that’s exactly what I want to tell them. That I love clothes for the same reason I love art, or writing, or music. (Not that they care too much about those either.) Because calling clothing a language is what that first person who advised someone to ‘be yourself’ meant, and because someone got mixed up along the way and added ‘because what other people think doesn’t matter.’
Thank you so much! I’ve been trying to figure out what I meant when I said I cared about fashion. You gave it to me.