yes, it’s been a while, longer than i expected. not sure if anyone’s still out there, if anyone’s bothered to stop by. but it’s ok really, if no one did.
i’ve been spending the last month or so moving in, getting settled, reassessing my life, this blog, where i want to go with it and with just everything in general. i’ve been spending time making things and enjoying my husband and daughter and the fact that i feel happy again after not feeling happy at all for a good long time.
i have had a hellish year. really, a hellish two years. the end of my pregnancy was complicated (breech baby, blood pressure issues, seriously late baby, complicated birth), and after she was born i was depressed and had some major adjustment issues. nothing felt the same. p. was an awful napper and sleeper, until well after her first birthday. 20-30 minute naps, if she even took them. wakeups every hour or two through the night, every single night. it was soul-sucking. i was on the verge of insanity. we all were, really…my marriage was on the verge, it all seemed to be going, as the brits say, a bit pear-shaped.
about 7 months after p. was born we packed up and moved from SF to NYC, chasing some weird dream. a dream to go back to the fantasy NY we thought would make us happy. but our recent experience there was pretty hellish. our apartment was completely horrific and overpriced, our neighbors were loud and obnoxious, playing music until all hours (see also, related: baby who didn’t really sleep).
fate smiled on us six months into the lease: we we were able to find a legal way out of the apartment situation, just as my husband found a new job, one that would take us temporarily to chicago for about six months, and then permanently to CT, just north of NYC.
i am not sure if it’s the fact that i am in a new town, in a great apartment, the fact that my daughter has become an awesome person and a better sleeper, or that it’s spring (and it’s GORGEOUS!!), but i’m finally starting to feel like i am coming out of a long, dark, and impenetrable fog. i’m finally starting to feel happy again.
thank you, universe.
what does this mean for blogging stuffs?
well, i’m still figuring it all out…where i want this blog to go.
i’m not sure if i like where it’s gone the past couple years while i idled along, just trying to make it through each day. i feel like i’ve gotten away from what means something to me (making things, thinking deep thoughts/asking deep questions), and i want to get back to those things in earnest here, if i can find a way to do so.
i’m not sure if i want to call this a “fashion blog,” if at all. i don’t feel like it suits me, or what i am about, though i suppose that most of what i do, think and write about is clearly “fashion-related”. i know that makes no sense. but am i doing a “typical” fashion blog? what does that mean these days anyhow? i am leery of pigeonholing myself or putting myself in a category that i don’t deserve to be placed in (as there are people in the genre doing a much better job matching the definition than i).
i have a lot of questions i am asking myself. a lot of soul-searching i (still) need to do. there are answers i need to find before i can really go forward here in earnest. as such, i’m going to take my time and just check in when i can. it’s the best i can do until i can find a way to interface with the world in a way that feels real and comfortable for me.
one thing i do know: i want to give wardrobe_remix it’s own bloggy home. it’s probably crazy late for such things (w_r will be FIVE years old this september) but better late than never? stay tuned for more info on that front as i get my act together.